The familiar feeling washes over you as the tambourine jingles somewhat out of time to the entrance hymn of Gather Your People. Your shoulders tense, your jaw clenches, and that mix of sadness and frustration rises in your chest. For Catholics who deeply cherish reverent worship for the summit of the Christian faith, experiencing casual or poorly executed liturgy can feel like spiritual paper cuts. These moments can test us sometimes.

Whether it’s guitars and pop song-ish music at Mass, homilies that seem lacking, or clergy who rush through consecration, the temptation to judge or even flee to another parish seeking incense and professional alter servers feels justified. Yet these challenges invite us to deeper reflection on reverence, those with the call to ministry, and our role in parish life.

Reverence, at its core, flows from faith. It’s a gift of grace that helps us recognize and respond appropriately to the sacred. When we witness its absence and get frustrated, it’s essential to remember that not everyone has received such Grace. Given the last 40 years in the West, some may have never experienced a Mass where reverence was emphasized at all. Rather than assuming ill will, we need to focus praying for those leading and contributing to the liturgy and their response to The Lord’s call.

People contributing to the liturgy may not be the most gifted or the most reverent, but they were the ones that were called and responded to the Lord to serve. That’s an important distinction.

So how should we respond when faced with liturgical practices that pain us?

First, resist the urge to withdraw. Your presence as a model of reverence matters more than you might realize. Small gestures like maintaining a prayerful posture or making a contrite and deliberate genuflection before being seated can gently influence others in the parish by example.

Second, consider constructive engagement. If particular issues concern you, request a respectful conversation with your priest. Approach such discussions with humility, perhaps offering to help with liturgical preparation or music selection. Frame suggestions positively: “Father, I’ve noticed how engaged people become during moments of sacred silence” often works better than complaints about the rattling tambourines.

Third, deepen and cherish your own reverence regardless of surroundings. Use challenging moments when sitting next to others in sports jerseys as opportunities for extra prayers to be grateful for your Grace and for the heart to not judge those who do not have the gift. When the music distracts, focus more intently on the Crucifix. Remember that Christ becomes present on the altar regardless of the acoustic guitar in the background.

Throughout Church history, saints have encountered similar struggles. St. Francis of Assisi dealt with irreverent priests by focusing on Christ’s presence in the Eucharist rather than the minister’s imperfections. St. Teresa of Avila endured countless masses celebrated by poorly formed clergy during Spain’s tumultuous religious reforms. As a Church, we’ve been here before - this is not new.

Providence has placed you in your parish for a reason. Rather than lamenting what’s lacking and letting that possible drag you into sin, consider how you might contribute to a culture of reverence through patient example and loving service. The same Jesus who calmed storms with a word chooses to come to us through imperfect human instruments. He invites us to find Him not just in sublime cathedrals and polished liturgies, but in the messy reality of parish life; tambourines and all.